Monday, June 2, 2014

Confessions of a Ponderer...

  1. think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
    "I pondered the question of what clothes to wear for the occasion"
    synonyms:think about, contemplateconsiderreview, reflect on, mull over, meditate on, muse on, deliberate about, cogitate on, dwell on, brood on, ruminate on, chew over, puzzle over, turn over in one's mind, overthink
    "she had time to ponder over the incident"
    That's me.  
    I ponder, 
     not so much about the mundane,
     silly stuff.

    Mostly I ponder life
    the whys
    the what did I do wrong?
    what could I have said?
    kind of questions.

    I also ponder the heavy stuff.
    the purpose of it all
    the how did I get here?
    meaning how did my life get to the place it is NOW?
    kind of questions.

    I pondered as a child.
    I ponder now 
    and I'm sure I will ponder in the future.

    Sometimes I've felt 
    pondering makes life more complicated.
    Some pondering questions have no answers.

    I know people who don't seem to ponder.
    Some are very close to me.
    They see everything very simply.

    I see everything as complicated.
    They see more black and white.
    I see shades of grey.

    In a conversation I had today, 
    someone said 
    Jesus lived in the grey areas of life.

    I resonated with that thought.
    I'm pondering it now. 

    Kayce Stevens Hughlett says"Pondering is about giving weight (or attention) to something for a period of time and then letting it go. It’s about freedom not confinement. That doesn't mean pondering is always easy."  

    Maybe that's where my trouble lies...
    letting it go. 

    Hughlett's blog  encouraged me.  
    According to her, 
    pondering is an art.  
    It's about being present,
    being open, 
    not expecting anything,
    just being.
    I may have looked at pondering wrongly.
    I may have agonized over something that is simply 
    and grey.

    I'll ponder Jesus in the grey. 

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