Saturday, January 30, 2010

Why them? Why not us?

Two children who went through cancer treatment with Josh are now dying.
Why them and not us?

One is on hospice care.
Her parents wait for her last breath.
Her parents have fought for her with unheralded valiance.
Brave…they are so brave.
She is unforgettable.
Thank God for hospice.
Thank God for pain medicines.
What are they going to do without her?

The other you would never guess the disease is growing.
His mom shares the fear, the pain, and the loss of hope.
Looking for another plan, another clinical trial.
What if…
What if it doesn’t work?
The odds are so low.
The words…quality of life are paramount.
Number one…quality of life.
Making memories.
I listened to his mother.
She is assured of heaven.
I saw the tears.
I ache with tears filling my eyes.
I cannot take it away.
What would I do?

Why them and not us?

We talked of their future without him, their only son.
My heart breaks.

It never stops breaking.
Why them and not us?

Suffering, I can suffer.
I can do it.
I’ll gladly do it.
But not my child.
Lord, not my child.

Why them and not us?

Why do they have to watch their child suffer, Lord?


Friday, January 29, 2010

Just a little understanding please...

I am not stuck in childhood cancer. Childhood cancer is a reality of my world. The results of treatment on my son are harsh. They are a constant actuality of ongoing concern.

I am “moving on” though I may not be “moving on” the way you think I should.

I am not the same person I was before childhood cancer entered my son’s body. I will never be that person again. I am forever altered. I’m remorseful you cannot accept me as I am now.

I’m sorry I shared my heart with you. My inner struggles and honesty bothered you. You wouldn’t let me explain, interrupting me and telling me not to get defensive. I only wanted you to see how God miraculously met me at that moment of turmoil.

As your friend, I have attempted to listen to you, support you and encourage you. My mistake was assuming I would receive the same from you. From now on when you ask me how I am my answer will always be “Everything is fine.” I will not share my heartache.

I do enjoy “the moments” of my life more than you realize. Please quit judging me. Please quit criticizing me.

I will NOT walk away from the families who are still fighting childhood cancer. I am connected with them in a way you may never understand.

I will continue to serve with Candlelighters. Who else will show them the light of life after cancer treatment? Who else can empathize with a mother whose baby has just been diagnosed with cancer? After all, “It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.”

I will continue to give back what was so graciously given to me. Isn’t that what Christ would do?

Many of my friendships have altered since childhood cancer. You are one of them. I didn’t think you would be. I am saddened.

Just a little understanding please…