Monday, November 3, 2014

Finding My Joy...

Recently, I went on a road-trip to find My Joy.

My precious second daughter,
the one who graduated with a degree in studio art.
The motorcycle riding blacksmith,
with forearms and biceps
 made of concrete.

My Joy,   
who shaved her head bald
right before her sister's wedding,
just because.

My bad-ass daughter.

My Joy who took her senior picture 
with our horse, Freedom.

The girl who climbed trees late at night,
in her flowing prom gown
with bare feet and tiara, 
just to sit on the roof of our house
and gaze at the moon.

It was a sweet visit.
A time of bonding.

It was a tough visit,
she's no longer a child. 

It was a trip down memory lane,
as we unpacked an old trunk 
 stuffed full of her high school treasures.

We read through her journals,
each with different names. 
Her child self had written of mundane things,
daily happenings,
her first broken heart,
 a little drama.

There were Bible verses galore.

We reminisced about her desire to be Peter Pan
or feisty Jo from Little Women,
She usually played at being an adventurous boy,
never a demure girl.

My Joy was home educated,
through high school.
Scripture was most important.
She read through the Bible
more than once.

My Joy,
an adult,
moved in
with her boyfriend of two years.

She is not living 
how I had imagined she would 
when she was a child.

"He's my partner, mom."
"We don't need to get married"
Such a sweet tenderness between them.

She and I walked and explored,
talking of her beliefs,
her desires,
her dreams
her morals,
her spirituality.

We soaked in a Mugswort tea filled hot tub
and smiled at each other.

Her life now doesn't meet up with what I thought it would be,
when she was a babe in my arms,
when she was waddling on chubby legs,
when she was gangling and awkward,
a mouth full of metal,
when she was a fresh college student,
young and innocent.

I found my Joy,
a confident woman,
 living her life her way,
with grace
and love.

I don't grieve her choices,
not in the same way I see many
Christian parents saddened.

My Joy is complete.

My Joy is loved.

My Joy is happy.

My Joy is at peace.

She's My Joy.
And she always will be.

And now
I have to let her go...

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