Blessings...

When Josh got sick,

in 2004,

I began my journey of

wrestling with MY view of God.

It's been 10 years 

and I still wrestle. 

There is one thing I've learned though.

One of my favorite bloggers wrote about it here: 

#Blessed

She comments on our North American Christian culture

and how we do not understand blessing's true meaning. 

We use it flippantly 

and without depth.

She wrote: 

"Because blessed does not mean pleased. 

Blessed does not mean happy.  

Blessed does not mean fulfilled. 

It doesn't even mean fed or clothed or housed or healthy...

What it really means is that you are not alone, 

for God is with you.

God's blessing is His presence.

Nothing more. 

Nothing less... 

Just the Creator of the Universe, 

the artist and architect of Heaven and Earth, 

the Bringer of Light, 

the Weaver of Life, 

the One who knows you and loves you best of all, 

finding you in life's' most broken places 

and breathing into your weary soul, 

"I am that I am, and I am with you."

Contrary to popular belief, 

the Blessing of God is not what he gives us, 

the Blessing of God is that he is with us." 

And so I remind myself

that we are blessed when Josh has a good man and team of young men

step up making him football team manager,

helping him cope with high school.

Manager of the Year!

And we are blessed when Josh is lying in pain on the living room floor

wrapped in blankets, hot packs and tears.

And we are blessed when he gives himself his shot each night,

though it's painful and he hates it,

And when he gets sedated for yet another throat stretch

or when he meets with his neurosurgeon to find out

which PE activities are safe for him in high school.

And I still wrestle,

with MY view of God, 

because it's skewed due to being human

and finite.

And I think about what my friend, Becky, says,

"Our definition of what is GOOD needs to be broader in North American Christianity."

Good includes suffering.

I have learned NOT to use the word "blessed"

flippantly anymore,

because Jesus said it best:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.