It’s a weird place to be. I seem to have one foot in each world, but I want to live in just one place and I know I never can again.
Recently, I was asked to facilitate a small woman’s Bible study group, which wanted to study a book on parenting. I was asked to lead because, well let’s just say, I’m mature. My life experience is such that I’ve been parenting, training and mothering for 21 years, plus I still have two teenagers and a young son at home. I quickly accepted this humbling offer, because I’ve known I need to get back to “raising” my children and especially my young boy, Joshua. I thought this would be a great opportunity to get my focus back, but I still find myself unfocused.
I feel torn wondering just how important it is to spotlight my parenting skills now. On one hand I’m wanting my children to love the Lord and grow up to be kind, thoughtful, hard working citizens and I know I have a responsibility in this, but on the other hand I’m thinking about the relapse of cancer that seems to be all around me, watching other children relapse and their devastated parents struggle to figure out what to do next. Or I’m meeting newly diagnosed children whose parents are confused and lost.
So in one half of my world I’m talking about life and death issues concerning children. Who cares about parenting when your child is dying? Who cares about raising hard working children when you know your child doesn’t even have long to walk this earth?
Then I think of the mom’s whose children have had full brain and spinal radiation. The devastating effects of this have them spending the majority of their time in special therapies trying to help their child learn and develop somewhat normally. But their brains have been damaged. Who cares about parenting when your focus is on how to help your little girl be able to just read and write a little. Wondering how to explain to your precious daughter that she’ll never be able to have children of her own? Wondering if your baby will ever lead a “normal” life?
At first my goal in facilitating this group was to help me refocus on my children and to be able to encourage these young mother’s as they move into teaching and disciplining their young children through grade school, the teen years and on into young adulthood. Now my goal is to passionately impart to them the privilege, honor and joy they have set before them to even be able to teach and train their young children. I know some mother’s who would give anything to be in their shoes.
One of the realities I live in is filled with mother’s who focus on raising, and parenting their precious children. The other world is filled with mother’s who wonder how long their precious children have to live.
I find myself trapped between two worlds…