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Monday, August 20, 2007

Healing...

I wrote this a while ago when a dear friend of mine took me to the beach for a weekend get-a-way. She’s a very nurturing person and I was wonderfully pampered. She loves to shop and I love to walk along the beach, so one afternoon I found myself alone on the sand and this is what happened…

One day, as I walked down the sun soaked beach of Gerhardt, OR, I noticed how the light shimmered on the ocean waves making the water look like liquid silver. The sky was alive with light and color bursting through the texture of clouds. As I drank in the beauty of God’s creation I surprised myself by suddenly bursting into heart felt sobs. It had been a long and arduous 18 months since our youngest, our only son, had been diagnosed with cancer at the age of 4 years. With tears falling down my cheeks, I found myself saying, “Lord, my soul hurts. My soul is bruised and battered. Lord, heal my soul. Heal my soul.” I repeated this mantra over and over. And then I noticed for the first time, the pieces of sand dollars littering the sandy beach. They were white calcium, the bones of a sea creature torn apart and shattered by the tumultuous waves, strewn over the beach like white scraps of scattered paper. These poor sand dollars had no control over their simple lives. The ferocity of the ocean waves pulled by the moon to create the ebbs and flows of the daily tides had shattered them. They were helpless. They were battered and bruised…they were lifeless. This was how I felt.

As my heart expressed its brokenness… suddenly, I saw it… the first whole sand dollar! It was lying there complete and perfect. I slowly picked it up in disbelief; it was flawless, intact, a full circle, no damage despite being at the mercy of what the environment had placed upon it. My heart beat faster and I could feel myself growing excited. Surely, this was a miracle! But no, there was another and another and after walking hurriedly for 2 hours I had accumulated a sweatshirt pouch full to bursting of these precious gems. Each glorious sand dollar was a message from my God, giving me hope and filling my heart with the promise of His healing. I knew my soul would be renewed. Though I was battered and bruised …healing would come. This was God’s promise to me. A miracle!

4 comments:

Rita said...

April, Please continue to write. YOur words are so strong and so true! I love reading your writings! I cried as you so have a way of explaining things. You are so an inspiration to me through this ordeal we must face with our little boys. And your picture of the two of you is PRICELESS!
Love Rita

susan said...

April - this is Rainey's Grandma Susan - just wanted to tell you that you have been blessed with the gift of writing - and through your writing both on CaringBridge and here - you will inspire others and draw them to faith in a higher power. At the same time I bet you will get a lot of satisfaction in putting your feelings into words. I find that it is addictive! Best to you and your family!
Susan Skinner
Ellijay Ga

Dawnelle said...

April-
I still visit your caring bridge site- but I'm really glad you're blogging! I enjoyed reading your posts- and I love the picture. Welcome to the blogging world!
Dawnelle Breum

Shannon said...

April,

Welcome to the Blog world. I would love to bookmark yours on my site with your permission. Glad to hear that things are going okay. Sorry that you're up against the dilation dilemma, want you to know that I am always thinking of you!

Shannon