Followers

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I am living in a field of landmines...

It is called childhood cancer. It’s a field fraught with fear and anxiety. It’s a field with no end in sight, at least not on this earth. Cautiously I take tentative steps as I navigate through this field. Sometimes it looks to be full of fragrant and colorful wildflowers or rolling hills of luscious green grass. Once the field was full of ancient, but dark imposing trees, another time it was a grey and barren wasteland. Once I spotted a bright rainbow gracefully arched across the misty horizon, a sure sign of hope.

But always, no matter what this field looks like, it is full of landmines hidden away ready to explode at the least provocation. One false step and I or someone I love could be maimed or blown away. One false step and everything changes. Walking with me are other childhood cancer families. Some skip happily along, others walk hesitantly holding their breath; still others refuse to move standing stagnant and frozen. And then there are those who one day suddenly step on a mine. The rest of us in the field are blown off our feet from the sheer force of the blast. We huddle together, crouching flat against the grass and dirt, praying for protection, praying for the victim.

It doesn’t matter if we think positive thoughts or have good karma and energy. It doesn’t matter if we have unwavering faith and constantly utter powerful prayers, we still could step on a landmine. There is no rhyme or reason as to who will be next. Each of us knows this with such assuredness . So we journey along together, these families who are mysteriously intertwined with mine. We encourage each other, support each other, and love each other, because we understand the dangers all around us. We know the intensity of uncertainty. We acknowledge the thin thread of hope we all cling to. We just know…

There are others who stand outside the field, who are not allowed in. They linger on the borders of the field cheering us on, watching and praying, but never having to navigate through the landmine laced field of childhood cancer. And for that, I praise God.

We are living in a field of landmines…

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

You are one of my heroes, April. I love your honestly and glean so much from your wisdom. I am one of your cheerleaders as you continue to battle the hidden land mines of life!!

Enjoy your trip to see Jasmine!

XO Nurse Stephanie