Tuesday, May 27, 2014


A friend called me brave, the other day.

But I've spent my life time wrestling FEAR, 
as far back as I can remember, it was there.
It crept into every area.
Little by little I've seen it take over parts of me,
trying to destroy the essence of who God created me to be.

I've conquered some of it...
by traveling internationally,
climbing high and challenging mountains,
solo backpacking.
And I haven't let it win my mind.
 When I contemplate my children and their futures,
 fearful thoughts peek around the corner,
I see them,
sometimes they seem to be winning.
Then I allow the LIGHT,
 and watch them scurry away like cockroaches.

I have found fear in my relationships.
Sometime I've had to conquer it by setting healthy boundaries, 
even with the pain. 
Sometimes I've had to change the dance steps.
Sometimes I've had to risk openness, vulnerability 
and trust. 
It's a work in progress.

I've wrestled hard to rid myself of fear in these areas.

But now I have found it in my writing.

"Why write?  You have nothing to say."
"No one will want to read what you write."
"Your story isn't important."
"Everyone's writing stuff." 
"What do you know?"
"Someone else can say it better."

And so I don't write.  
I am paralyzed.
I waste time.

Lies feed Fear.
Fear steals life.

I vow to starve fear. 

I have found it in my art too.

"You cannot even draw a stick figure!"
"You are not artistic. Your mother, grandmother, and children all have the gift, but not you!"
"Why bother?"
"No one will want to see your pieces."
"They will think they're weird."
"Anyone could do that."
"They won't understand."
And so I don't work on my art.  
I am paralyzed.
I waste time.

Lies feed Fear.
Fear steals life.

I vow to starve fear. 

I vow to write something here on this blog everyday for one month!

I will write.
I will work on my art.

I vow to eradicate fear with light and truth.

I will be brave...

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