Thursday, December 19, 2013

Rescued Faith...

I grew up hearing how Jesus was my protector
all I had to do was invoke his name
nothing could stand against it.

I remember lying in bed at night
terrified of dark things 
 my head under the covers
whispering "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus"
over and over until I finally fell asleep. 

I grew up hearing how Jesus wanted to bless me with everything good and wonderful
how Jesus would give me a life of victory
a life full of joy, love, peace and my heart's desire.

This was taught over and over again by my mother and my church
Dramatic stories of God saving people in a crisis, because they cried out the Name above all names. 
The life of Victory!

And my life was good.

As an adult, I had my heart's desire
Five children
A loving husband
A warm house
Our bills were paid

But I would read the book of Job in the Bible

How could God do that to Job?
Why would He?
A righteous man who loved God?

Job lost EVERYTHING...
even his children.

And yet, at the end of the book,
Job says to his friends

"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;..." 

I just couldn't wrap my brain around those words.

 One day, after wrestling with this concept for months, 
I decided I could say what Job said
I felt settled.

I would relinquish my life, my children, my husband to God...

"Even if you slay me, God, I will hope in you, no matter what."


That was August 2004
by that October my four year old son was diagnosed with cancer
and my life, my family's life changed forever.

Fast forward nine years...

And my faith has been shaky
not lost
 tentative maybe
God felt a bit untrustworthy
to me.

My son survived  
cancer free for eight years now
but I've seen many children die
torturous deaths.

Lesly, Jackson, Luke, Gage, Danny, Jeremiah, Spencer...

And there's been no rhyme or reason
As far as I can see...
 even children who loved Jesus died.

Invoking His name didn't change their disease
neither did all the prayers.

How could I praise Him for MY son
when other sons/daughters hadn't survived?

God is scary

The Universe Maker

Recently, I read a blog
 "Reluctant Xtian", wrote about belief and trust.

He suggested:  
Trusting God is bigger than believing in God.

When we don't all agree on what we believe about God, we argue and fight
and beliefs in God change.

He wrote:
"And as someone who has been there in the deep hole of not making sense of whats up or down because not everything that you've been taught to believe lines up with reality, it's really important, when you find yourself barely breathing, to pray to God...even if you don't believe.
Doing so you're embodying something more powerful than belief.
You're trusting.
And trusting can change things."

So when I saw my hiking buddy fall 30 feet down a 75 degree ice chute last week, I yelled out "Jesus!"
just like the little girl I once was.

Miraculously, a vine maple caught his foot
stopped his fall,
but he hung dangerously upside down over the ice chute.

And when my other hiking buddy,
who was trying to rescue the friend hanging from the tree,
crashing 200 feet down the ice chute,
a look of total terror on his face,
 I called 911.
He lay silent and still at the bottom.

 Another hiker and I ran back to the freeway to flag down the rescuers
while the others stayed with the fallen friends.

As I waited for help to arrive, I called my husband
and at that very moment he was walking into our church.

The Timing!

Staff were immediately notified by email,
many prayers were released.

The rescuers were amazing
four hours later my friends were headed to the hospital
no broken bones
just bruises, lacerations, sore muscles
a miracle.

And for whatever reason
my friends didn't die that day.


God knows

because belief in God is really only what we THINK God is
in our own puny minds
what we THINK God should be...

But TRUSTING God is letting God be God
It's being vulnerable and
to Him
No matter what...

Rescued Faith

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

This totally spoke to my heart this morning April. Thank you! Hope you and the family had a lovely Christmas! Much love to you!