Friday, November 16, 2012

Frozen moments...

There are moments in life when time freezes and your brain focuses on one small detail before your eyes.  And you realize life will never be the same, that your world as you knew it has shattered and you have no idea what is next, but all you hear in your head is some insignificant sentence going round and round your brain.  

"Wow, look how beautiful that tree is.  It looks like it's raining golden leaves."  

I was perched on a hard wooden chair next to a soft chair where my friend sat weeping.  I held her hand as she shook and I stared out her living room window at the sun shining through a gorgeous golden tree while the leaves fluttered softly down to the ground like snow.  

Only four and a half hours had passed since  9 am that morning when she had found her eighteen year old son dead by his own hand.

Time was frozen.  
Her son was gone.  
Golden leaves were fluttering down to the ground like feathers.

"Look how the candle flames dance and shimmer around the photos."  

Multiple candles glowed in the dark room where music, soft and peaceful filled the air.  I lay on my mother's bed listening to her steady breaths as she lie in a coma in the hospital bed just a couple feet away.  Overwhelmed with emotion I began praising God in my head.  My baby brother and his new wife from a foreign land quietly knelt beside her bed. The gentle sounds of their voices blended in perfect harmony as they sang and prayed together in French.    I was in a sacred place.

Time was frozen
My mother was dying.
Candlelight flickered off of an old framed photo of my mother, young and fresh  sitting next to me, two years old with thin scraggly hair and freckles. 

"He sure looks tall and strong, but why are his pants too short?"

I sat in a tiny airless room off of the side of the main surgery family waiting area with my husband and a number of his male friends.  I wished I was alone. The doctor walked in and sat directly in front of me and softly reported that the biopsy surgery went well, but yes they had found round blue-cells in the tumor. 

Time was frozen.
My four year old son had cancer.
The doctor was tall and strong with glasses, short brown hair and he wore his pants too short. 

In each of these frozen moments, my life was completely altered along with the lives of others.  
We are all connected.  
In each of these frozen moments, Christ was with me.
In each of these frozen moments, Jesus Wept.