I Wrote Good-Bye Letters

I'm not superstitious,

at least I don't think I am.

My mother was,

though she wrapped it in Scripture,

her Faith,

and in her mind it wasn't superstition.

It was just part of being a believer.

She believed 

with her whole heart 

that the 

"power of life and death was in the tongue."

This was why she NEVER said she had cancer,

even as the surgeon told her it was cancer,

even as she asked me what hospice care was,

even as she lie on her deathbed.

If she said "I have cancer"

or

"my cancer"

then she was giving it power.

This was my mother's mindset.

I disagreed with her, 

vehemently,

 and we would argue.

One day,

 I told her we just needed to agree to disagree.

And we never spoke of it again.

 I loved her so much.

I miss her.

So I always save any voice messages Don leaves me, 

especially when he travels to East Africa.

I don't erase them until he is safely home.

Superstition?

And when I travel far away,

with or without Don

I write a good-bye letter to each of my children,

my son-in-law,

my grandchild

and my husband.

I write what's on my heart.

Words of encouragement,

sharing my love for them,

my hopes for their futures,

reminding them of their 

infinite value to me 

and to the world.

Superstition?

I do this, 

not out of FEAR.

I do this out of REALITY.

Anything can happen,

to any of us 

at any time.

I don't want to leave anything left unsaid.

Superstition?

I go to the worse case scenario in my mind.

I write my words.

Place the papers in an envelope,

seal it 

and place it on my nightstand

beside my bed.

Superstition?

Then I let it go.

And then I'm ready to fly away.